So last Thursday(I think), I had a really bad headache. I touched the back of my head and felt a flat spot. It was late at night and my brain was just not working. I freaked out because I thought I had injured myself somehow. I thought maybe I had amnesia or something. I was panicking a little(is that how you spell panicking?).

The next day at some, Aba tells me it was probably where my parents had laid me down as a baby. I felt stupid.

I just thought of that because I have a headache. That night was the 1st time I had a headache in a long time. I don’t like headaches and I don’t like taking pills. I want to sleep but I can’t.

So for Thanksgiving I want to visit my cousins in Nashville. I love them and they love me. Mainly, I want to get away from my parents for a while. I feels like they are smothering me. Whenever I bring up the subject, they make up these stupid fake lame-ass excuses. Whenever my cousins visit, my parents say they are a good influence me. They just won’t let me visit them.

I sometimes think my parents don’t want me to have a life. I don’t. They always say no when I want to hang out with my friends. Some of my friends have told me of occasions when they call like a dozen times, and my parents just don’t tell me. It happens with all of my friends. They don’t know them, so they make up theses lame-ass excuses for me not to hang out with them. They thing is they don’t want to make an effort to get to know them.

The best way for my friends to communicate with me is through the internet. If you attempt to call me, it’s a long shot that I might actually get the call.

My parents want me to hang out with the Indian girls I know, except what they don’t know is that those are the girls with boyfriends behind their parents backs. It was one of those Indian girls who tried to get me to do marijuana with her. My parents make these stupid unfounded assumptions about people. I hate it.

My parents think my friends are all skanky hoes because of what they see. They own a motel, and what they see at the motel is all they see. The people are the motel are crazy!!! I’m kind of afraid of them.

My parents do not want to let me do anything fun. As a child, I never went to the movies, or the park or the beach. The first time I had ever been to the movies was when I was in the 4th grade for a school field trip. My parents rarely if ever played with me. I understand a lot of that has to do with the fact that when I was a child, we were still trying to survive. But then, they complain that I’m too American. Well, that’s what happens when your Indian parents leave you alone at home to watch TV for the better part of your childhood because you only had 2 dolls you hated because they looked kind of scary(this was during the 1st year we were in America, I was 4).

When we moved to GA, it was the same. They left me to watch TV. I had some imaginary friends and a few better toys. Around the 4th grade, I discovered books. Books for the longest time were everything to me. I still don’t think my life would be complete without books.

Around the 6th grade, my parents left for India for about 2-3 months for my older sister’s wedding. They left me with an aunt and uncle I knew but not that well. I’m a very introverted private person. I don’t enjoy telling people what is going on in my life. The entire time my parents were gone, when I was not at school, I stayed alone in my room. I’d be reading or watching TV. Music started becoming important to me. I wouldn’t really talk with my aunt or uncle because I didn’t really know them. When I get to know someone, it has to be on my terms. I don’t like to be forced into situations. I was forced into that.

Then, in the 9th grade, my dad was gone for about 6 weeks at the end of the year, and my mom at the beginning of the year. There was this 2 week period when they were both gone. They again left me with people I did not really know well. I really just withdrew into myself for most of that time. I was really actually a wreck. I was threw up several times, and I had a fever half the time I think. I was physically sick most of the time and the people supposed to watching me didn’t know because I stayed to myself most of the time. It was really just very bad. It was a lot harder for me this time than in the 6th grade. Perhaps I just don’t remember it that well.

Then just this past year, my dad left in October. He was just supposed to be gone for about a month. He promised me only a month. The weeks before he left, I was soo mad. I stopped speaking with my mom. I didn’t say a word to her for about a week, I was that upset. I don’t know why I stopped talking with her though and not my dad. I remember coming to school crying once. He was gone till January. He stayed with us in January for about a month. He went back in Feb for another month, came back for good in March.

My cousins went to India in Dec and got to see him. They came back with a bunch of stuff Dad had gotten in India. They stayed with us for a while when they came back, and for most of the time, I cried. The night they unpacked all the stuff he had gotten for us, I just started crying. I cried all that night, and part of the next day.

I have a hard time dealing with my emotions. I keep them to myself for the most part so when something really affecting happens, it all comes out at once. I cry a lot. I’ll literally cry for hours. This sounds so emo. I’m not emo. I don’t cut myself or any emo stereotypes

I like being alone. I don’t like to be forced into situations. I don’t really cope well with drastic sudden changes.

I really just felt like I needed to share all of this. I’m not emo!!! I promise!!! I just started this off with my wish to go to my cousins’ for Thanksgiving and I just ended up talking about my entire life. So deal with it!

I just got back from the a football game between to our school’s rival. It was fun. We won! I spent a couple hours at Kelly’s before the game, and Abigail and Amitty came over too. We had a lot of fun goofing off, eating, and listening to music.

They wanted to go to “fight club” after the game. For all I know, they might have. I had to take my brother home, and my parents don’t really like it when I go out. I hope they are enjoying themselves.

I’m just going to check my email, myspace, and facebook, and then, I’ll probably go to sleep.

Nothing truly eventful has happened today. I got out of school for 3rd block to go to a Rotary lunch. Aba, Amitty, Caitlin, Kelly, and I are all officers of Interact, a high school service club. Aba and Kelly did something for Rotary that got some money for our club to use.

We went to the lunch to formally recieve the money they made. We plan on using that money for shipping Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. Operation Christmas Child is where we pack shoeboxes for impoverished children all over the world. There are about 20 people in Interact, and everyone plegded to make a box of their own. Then the club would make about 20 boxes together.. That would give us about 50 boxes because some people will makes 2 or 3. That was the plan anyway. Well so far only 2 people have turned in boxes. These people however made 4-5 boxes which is great. The club has 10-20 empty boxes. I think we may get 30-40 boxes done. What bothers me is that we would have over fifty if everyone in the club makes boxes. I don’t know that they will. The boxes are due Monday, and we’ll see then.

I spent about an hour after school today wrapping some shoeboxes. I’ll go sometime today or tomorrow to give my order to Balfour for graduation annoucements and such. I get excited thinking about stuff like that.

Okay, this is my first blog, and I hope everyone likes it. Kelly and I just created this website. The two pics are the Ectasy of St. Teresa and Apollo & Diane both by Bernini.

The story of Apollo and Daphne is that Apollo was chasing her. Apollo(Greek god) falls in love for the first time with Daphne(wood nymph) because he makes fun of Eros(Cupid). Daphne loved being huntress, and spurned love. As Apollo chases her, she asks her father, a river god, to save her from him. The father turns her into a tree. The scupture is of Apollo chasing Daphne as she turns into a tree. He then uses the tree(laurel) to create a crown. You can kind of see her hands turning into leaves, and her feet becoming rooted to the ground.

The story about St. Teresa goes is that upon entering the nunnery at 19, she became ill(1534). During her great sickness, she apparently experience spiritual ecstasy. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but after this experience, she claimed she understood sin, original sin, and why she needed to worship God. Many people claimed she actually experience evil, Satan, the Devil, so she went through a serious of self-mortifications, until a priest, to whom she confessed, reassured her of her purity. 1559, she became convince Christ was physically within her. She claimed this for 2 years, until a seraph, an angel, ran through her heart the fiery point of a golden lance causing untold “spirtual” pain/ecstasy. This scene is depicted in the sculpture. It is one of Bernini’s most famous works.

I really like Bernini. He’s definitely one of my favorites. Another of his works you should check out is the Rape of Proserpina. It the story of Hades and Persephone(Proserpina). The reason I love Bernini is because the marble does not feel like marble. It feels like cloth, or flesh, or whatever. The state, Rape of Proserpina, her marble looks like flesh would look. St. Teresa’s robes wrinkle and give like cloth.

 Okay, I’m through with my spiel on Bernini. I love Bernini.